For those of you who don't know, Marcella and I are house-sitting/baby-sitting for the Cukrowski family while Ken and Karen are in Russia. I'm having a blast! The girls are amazing, TiVo is the most wonderful invention ever, and I honestly enjoy being in this house; I feel really at home here.
All my life, I've gone through cycles regarding motherhood and homemaking. On the one hand, as much as I love my mother, I don't want to be her. She's a wonderful woman, but I have absolutely no desire to be Martha Stewart and raise kids. I want to work, to be a doctor, and I always have. But on the other hand, I honestly enjoy cooking, cleaning, and spending time with kids. However, the feminist in me rebels against those impulses because those are the exact things that women are expected to do. So I went through a rather long phase where I claimed that I would not have children or get married, or if I did, that my husband would stay home with the kids and be Mr. Mom and I would be the one to work all day and then come home to a clean house and a good meal. And to be honest, I still like that idea to some extent.
But I've come to realize over the last two weeks that, although I still plan on being a doctor and working, and although I still like the idea of my future husband staying home with the kids (I don't like the idea of a nanny or day-care), I think that maybe someday I'll be a mom and keep a nice home. I mean, I'll never be your stereotypical 50s housewife, and I don't want to, but I do think that maybe I can find some balance that will keep the feminist in me happy while the part of me that really enjoys being "mommy" can do that too.
So I don't know that there's really a question in this, or even a real point, but I just wanted to share with you guys. And I still miss you all. And I really will get on AIM to talk eventually.
Oh, btw, if you want a question, I've thought of one. How do you balance work and family? I mean, obviously, it's something you have to come up with as you go along to some extent, and I already have some ideas of my own, but how do you guys plan to handle it? Or do you even know? Okay, that's all. And you really don't have to answer the question. But if you want to, I always appreciate your wisdom.
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3 comments:
This is an interesting question. Though not a feminist, the idea of staying home all day with small children, cleaning, and cooking and such really does not appeal to me at all. Depending on who I'm with, I feel selfish or wrong saying that, but it's true. Although I can't really imagine it, I would like to get married, and I think I will probably change my mind about having kids along the way,who knows. I want to work, I want to be involved in my career, whatever that is. But at the same time, I also have issues (Sorry Dr. Willis!) with daycare if I think about it. And coming from a homeschooling family also brings up another facet of this question. Do I want to homeschool my children if I have any? I think that it makes a lot of sense, especially in the younger years to build family connection and just not waste a lot of time and can move at a different pace, because I know that my little sister and brother can get their school done in a few hours if they focus on it, but in public school you're at it for 7 hours. But for older kids, there are lots of opportunities, depending on the school, for finding a niche that are harder to get involved with if you are homeschooled (Marcella and Michelle can comment here). So, like Sarah, I'm not sure if I have a point, it's more of a rambling of some of my not even strongly held opinions that relate. As a side note, and this would/should influence decisions in this area, in relation to the last post, family is a community given by God. (now if that wasn't a run on sentence, I don't know what is!)
Throwing in my two cents. I think our roles as women in the household might go more toward how we view marriage and less toward how we view the 'expectations of women.' Also still my opinion (supported by things like Gen. 2.24) ... marriage isn't just a partnership; it's a forming of a new person. 'Two becoming one.' It's not 50/50 it's 100% of everything from both sides. Giving without expectation. With that in mind things become more about what they are and less about who is to perform the task. Cleaning stops being a 'woman's job' and is just cleaning. Taking care of the kids stops being the profession of 'mom,' and it starts being an action done by a loving parent (male or female). That’s just what I think. Wanting to take care of kids and provide something great (like a home) for people you love isn’t reserved - nor should it be expected solely from – women. I don’t know about you, Sarah, but that makes me want to marry… not a jerk, and by ‘not a jerk’ I don’t mean someone who ‘understands women.’ That might be boring. : ) I mean someone who understands and lives out the ethic of Christ’s love. Word. Ha.
Sarah, here are some reasons you should become a mom:
1) You did a great job with our kids!
2) I've seen pictures of you as a kid, and you were so cute that you simply must procreate;
3) You'll be taller than your babies;
4) Moms have to be doctors to their kids anyway; why not actually be qualified for the job?
5) Krista calls you mom anyway;
6) You need to be birthing and rearing my grandchildren's spouses!
Lots of love,
Karen
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