Repairing Past Damage

So I've been thinking a lot about how the world views Christianity. I really want to be able to reach out to the people around me and share my faith with them, but I know that Christianity has a bad rep, and for good reasons. Past events (especially the Crusades and the corruption of the Church during the Renaissance) are still remembered around the world. Throughout history, "Christians" have persecuted Jews, Muslims, and various other religious groups in the name of God. More recently, right-wing conservative "Christians" have been condemning everyone around them. I actually know of churches that teach that if you don't go to their denomination, or worse yet, their particular congregation, then you are going to hell. And of course, there is always the big scandal over Catholic bishops that occured recently. The truth is, the world tends to focus on the negative, and they have a lot to choose from here.
Although I can't condemn others (because there is no way for me to truly see their hearts), I do want to help people see that Christianity isn't about hatred; it's about love. I want to show the world God's love, and that God didn't call people to persecute others but to minister to them. I want to help people physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I want to be accepting of others and show that I am willing to listen and learn. On the other hand, I can't just accept everything as true. As a Christian, there are certain beliefs that I have to stand by. There are certain thigs that I have to say are absolutes, and I have to believe in them with my whole heart. If I could believe strongly OR be accepting, my task would be easy, but I'm asked to do both. I have no idea where that line is. So I guess my question is, how do you do that? How do you compassionately stand for something? How do you make sure your words and actions remain consistent with your beliefs without unnecessarily offending people? When is it okay to offend people?

to go or stay. to dream of then or live now.

Let's start with some things we know. I'm attending a Christian University. I am majoring in graphic design. The mission of my university is ‘To educate students for Christian leadership service throughout the world.’ So I wonder, how do those things match up? When does the formal education stop and the leadership and service begin? I have a couple of roommates, whom I admire greatly, seriously and practically discussing just that. How much education does it take to serve and lead? Sure, there are a lot of people hurting in Abilene. We should help them. There are thousands of people in our country in desperate need. We should help them. There are tons of people to help them. What about the thousands of children in Liberia living on the streets without parents or even the shelter of orphanages? What's stopping us from going there? How much education is needed to love? How much knowledge is needed before our feet hit the ground running? How far will we go to trust? How far do we need to go to trust?
I hear my roommates talk about getting to places of great need as soon as arrangements can be made, and I want to be at that point with them. I want to take nothing but what I carry in my heart and head and go.

Then I get a call from a sister. My sister calls me, and I can tell, even over the phone, that she's broken-hearted and pulling her ever amazing trick of hiding it. I want to take nothing except what fits in my heart and head and get out of here... again. It becomes difficult to pin down just which place needs more help.

It seems this whole semester has been me struggling with wanting to be some place other than the place I am in. What I've been deciding is... I'm in a place. Live here! Regardless of views of God's will and whether He or I have landed me here, I am here. I'm going to school. I'm part of this community. So I need to be living in it and being thankful with every day.

Something's still bothering me, though. What about being called to other places? Do I so avoid the call of God that I'm rationalizing too much? I listen to my pod-mates, and I feel like a coward. I'm failing to see how my graphic design degree is of vital importance to the kingdom. Biology/Biochemistry majors acquire medical knowledge and go out to help people. Bible majors acquire knowledge to have better insight into people’s situations and such. Graphic designers... well they... hmmm... oh yeah… aaahh… get people's attention? What?! How sad. What a pitiful calling if that's all there is to it. So finally, an outright question... Do you all ever wonder about this stuff? Do you ever feel like you're rationalizing your way around the call of God? Have you (hopefully) come upon a God-formed conclusion? Pray tell... : )

That was lengthy a little.

swine of the blog

It stikes me that our blog is kind of sad. I think this might have two main reasons. One: We've talked about everything! Now, this is obviously not true. There are tons of things we haven't talked about, but we've covered a lot of things in the past year or so. I know we all still have things we wonder about or are passionate about or we want opinions on. This is me encouraging you all to blog about them (before I do something crazy like blog about dating and purity! : ) Noooooo! ) Two: The majority of us live in a pod together. We hear each other's opinions every Friday or, for that matter, anytime we ask (and sometimes when we don't). So this is me encouraging those of you who don't live in the pod (coughkaylacoughcough) to not feel like blog hogs! Please, blog more than once in a row if you're so inclined. Someone will tell you if you're taking over the blog. I can even threaten people so they will comment if you want me to do so. : ) Postscript... Still working on the pictures.

thoughts from exile

One of the classes that I'm taking in this inspiring setting is Christain Worship. I just signed up for it because it was upper division bible credit, and I might as well take something. But Janine Morgan, the professor, is a pushy person; I think she's gonna make me stretch or something tragic.
All that to preface a question. How do you balance awe and reverance of God with seeking an intimate relationship with him? I keep thinking of Esther. She couldn't even approach her husband without fearing for her life. All she had going for her was beauty and sex appeal. Are we supposed to live in fear and trembling before the Omnipotent One or with delight at the thought of the Bridegroom coming for us? How does this effect our worship? Can there be a balance?

oxfordian life

hey, i don't want to cut off the wit started by DPS, but i thought i'd let everyone know that i created a blog to report my traveling and life overseas in case anyone is interested. theramblingrambler.blogspot.com i miss y'all guys.

Okay, seriously now...

So, I think it has now been proven that it is summer and our brains are protesting all serious thought. However, as we only have a week or so left before we must jump into full brain-power mode, perhaps we should at least put our big toe in the water (unless you chose to cut that one off). So here's a question. Someone at my grandparents church used the term "quasi-Church of Christ". Now I have no idea what exactly he meant because the conversation didn't really go on or have to do with that, but anyway, I immediately start to get defensive and ready to argue (in my head of course) Judgement and division and such in the church are a problem. Given. A lot of times when I encounter a person that I feel is being very close-minded and exclusive as far as church things go, I know that my personal reaction is to get kinda upset and feel like they are wrong. But...my judgement of what I perceive as judging could be just as equally wrong. So how do you go about differences of opinion and interpretation? And I must add just to be honest here, that I often don't really have a founded opinion on things, I simply argue the opposite of what people say when they are saying that only one thing is right. (i.e. instrumental music, expression in worship, etc.) Just thought this would be interesting to get everyone's thoughts on (yes i ended my post with a prepostion).

Total Rip-off of Mel's Post

Okay, so actually, this isn't a total rip-off. It's actually much less fun. But yeah, I just thought it would be interesting to know what annoys &/or makes you guys mad. Beyond the obvious curiousity, I though it would be nice to know this sort of thing before we were actually living together (so that some unnecessary arguments can be avoided). And for those of you that won't be pod-ites, I'm also interested in your response just because I'm horribly nosy.

1)People being condescending makes me mad.
2)Annoying/sleazy customers hitting on me at work makes me mad and annoys me.
3)People tailgating me annoys me (which is bad because I totally tailgate people too), and...
4)people cutting me off annoys me (I don't really do that though).
5)Having no time by myself makes me really cranky (and by that I mean somewhat evil), but I'm not usually the first to notice.
6)People being inconsiderate of other people's time annoys me and can make me mad if it happens a lot.

Umm. I'm out for the moment. So let me know your personal pet-peeves.

So, I have no life. And the last post seems to have reached it's pinnacle of comments, so I deemed it time for a new topic of discussion. This will be light hearted and smiley, but what makes each of you happy? What makes you tick? (insert deep drawl in this comment for those movie nighters amongst you) Little things or big things, we can get to know a lil more about each other.

a post entitled... how dumb am i. (a statement, not a question so don't try just looking at the title and telling me how dumb I really am because that

would be mean). That's the end of the title that wouldn't fit in the title section... and I'm mostly joking.

So I'm having this ‘thought/small revelation’ right now. It kinda reminds me of a previous post by Marcella about sackcloth and ashes... so I realized today how dumb I am. I do horrible things continually. Take tonight for instance. I just had a really great Bible study with some younger girls from my church and then practically right afterward (we hadn't even left the room) my cousin, who was also there, and I started arguing about something pointless that wasn't even worth the effort and in fact was just a big misunderstanding (which we worked out after we chilled, by the way). At least that one had a redeeming quality. I've done worse things recently that haven't had redeeming qualities so much... like call someone OCD (rudely) when I could have figured on them being embarrassed and upset because of who we were around. Or... get upset and defensive when a friend stomps on my art piece that I had even said wasn't that great. : ) There are more where this came from, and I wish I had time to list them all because I think I need to dwell on them a little more than I often do. But for now... on to the point.

I'm not saying any of this stuff so people can come back with well-intended comments that tell me that it's OK that I mess up, or that I'm not really a horrible person. I'm also not just pointing out that I mess up and feel bad and beat myself up mentally. I'm posting this because I was amazed again tonight how God really doesn't need me. He's perfect without my help (surprising since I generally think few beings are. Gah!). In fact, sometimes I think he works better 'on the fly' with my mistakes because when I mess up it’s the only time he seems to get through with the message... 'Laura, you're not self-sufficient or even just sufficient most of the time!' All I do is mess it up. He's the one doing things correctly. Nice.

I think all I need now is to have this kind of experience at least once a week so maybe I'll finally get what Paul was saying... I like it when stuff really sinks in like this and you get it even if it's just for a second. Say it with me now... 'It's not about myself.' Aaaaahhh. Didn’t that feel nice? I'd also like to say ignore Humanism… and… this is our 51st post. Lovely job, Gang.

Warning: What you are about to read is neither orignial, thought provoking, nor deep


I was just wondering what you guys were thinking and or think about social clubs. Are you going to pledge? If so, why? If not, why? If so, which club? If you're already in a club, do you enjoy it? Is the time/money commitment worth it? If you have passed up the opportunity, do you feel like you've missed out on anything of consequence? Just wanted some opinions. It's so much easier than thinking for myself... :P

Memory

This is not at all to distract from the previous two posts. You guys should really go back and read/comment on Melanie's stuff before you even start this. Seriously!!! They're much more important topics. This is just a personal thing.

Okay, so I was reading Elie Wiesel's Nobel Lecture from 1986 online. And I wanted to share an excerpt:

"Of course we could try to forget the past. Why not? Is it not natural for a human being to repress what causes him pain, what causes him shame? Like the body, memory protects its wounds. When day breaks after a sleepless night, one's ghosts must withdraw; the dead are ordered back to their graves. But for the first time in history, we could not bury our dead. We bear their graves within ourselves.

For us, forgetting was never an option.

Remembering is a noble and necessary act. The call of memory, the call to memory, reaches us from the very dawn of history. No commandment figures so frequently, so insistently, in the Bible. It is incumbent upon us to remember the good we have received, and the evil we have suffered. New Year's Day, Rosh Hashana, is also called Yom Hazikaron, the day of memory. On that day, the day of universal judgment, man appeals to God to remember: our salvation depends on it. If God wishes to remember our suffering, all will be well; if He refuses, all will be lost. Thus, the rejection of memory becomes a divine curse, one that would doom us to repeat past disasters, past wars."

http://nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/peace/laureates/1986/wiesel-lecture.html

So as I'm reading this, I'm thinking about myself.(And no, for all of you who know what I was thinking about, I'm not quite brave enough to post it on this blog yet. Maybe someday, but not now. And if you're confused, facebook message me and I'll talk to you there.) Not that anything in my life can compare to the atrocities of WWII, but anyway, I was thinking about how much I relate to this idea, of desperately wanting to forget the past and yet realizing that forgetting isn't the right thing to do, nor is it even really possible. And I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this, but I guess I'm wondering, why is trying to forget our defense mechanism? What should we do with painful memories, if forgetting is ultimately worse than remembering? And how do you remember without feeling like you did about it at the time? How do you heal? How do you turn past wrongs into present opportunities to do God's work in the world?

I guess I should just up my Zoloft, but those are my thoughts and I wanted to share. And I seriously do want input, since I can't talk to you guys in person right now.

Not to distract from the previous post...since I wrote it. Yes, I am unashamedly calling you delinquent bloggers to comment on the post below. But, I wanted to ask a new question. What do you guys think about current day prophecy and how it plays out in day to day life? Some could say that I was prophesied to the other day at work. It was sorta weird. Thoughts?

Hmmm....moment

So, my spark of inspiration came from a somewhat unlikely occasion: a graduation address. These speeches are not where you might expect to receive philosophically or thought provoking ideas, but this was in fact the case of the graduation address at the homeschool graduation I attended to watch my friend Linda (some of you may recall me mentioning her, her mom died a few weeks before we got out of school). Anyway, the speaker was telling the graduates how they had been growing and were taking steps and graduating from stages, but that they were not done yet. Typical topic. But, he was comparing it to the Bible, saying that the whole story of the Bible was the maturing of God's people and how he was growing them. This was an interesting thought because of what you can extrapolate from the idea. How do explain how we've gone from cavemen with crude cave drawings to launching tons of steel to far reaching corners of space? We have problems reconciling this apparent evolution (little "e") or progression of humanity. God didn't mess up the first time and start creating better models. But what if we go with the idea that the whole world is God's work to mature His creation. All of humanity is God's story of development. We are not less intelligent when we are babies, we just don't know as much, we are not as developed. As adults we still have the same parts, but we know differently how to use them. Can we apply this to history? The stone age like an infant, the bronze age a toddler, moving on up to present times as the human race grows more mature? Perhaps this explains the apparent betterment of society, new discoveries, new technology, etc. We are not better, just older. We are people in a later phase of the maturing process of God's people. Also, perhaps this maturing idea can also explain law/grace. Why was the law abolished? Or was it? Why was the law holy and perfect and then insufficient? Returning to the idea of our human development. The speaker talked about how as a little child you have to be under lots of rules. You have to ask when you can eat, if it's okay to cross the street, you must have someone holding your hand. As we grow older, the layers of rules as pulled away as our parents hope that we internalize their teachings and they trust us to make our decisions wisely. If we say that the Bible is the story of maturing of God's people, then perhaps that is a way to look at the 'switch' from law to grace. In their infancy, God's people needed a structure, a law, to show them how to follow their father, but as the people grew and matured, God was able to let His law live in the hearts of His people. Christ's death and ressurrection fulfilled the law, like a parent letting a child go to begin life on their own. God let us live in grace, apart from the law. So, it's not that the law is bad, or insufficient, but perhaps we just graduated from it. I'm not trying to say that these ideas are in any way true or biblically supported. But the ideas the speaker presented struck a chord of logic in me and was one of those 'aha' moments where it was like...hmm...this could make sense of some things. I thought it was a blog-worthy subject and offer it up to the brilliant minds to process.

i miss minter. sad.

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow;
Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, you heavenly hosts.
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
Amen.


Did you all know this is the last verse of a longer song called "Awake, My Soul, and With the Sun"? The guy who wrote it actually had it sung at his funeral which was held at sunrise. I think that's a really cool idea. I think I want my funeral to be held at sunrise. After all, I won't have to wake up for it. : ) I miss Minter Lane (that includes you all as well).

My Life as a Teenage Mother

For those of you who don't know, Marcella and I are house-sitting/baby-sitting for the Cukrowski family while Ken and Karen are in Russia. I'm having a blast! The girls are amazing, TiVo is the most wonderful invention ever, and I honestly enjoy being in this house; I feel really at home here.
All my life, I've gone through cycles regarding motherhood and homemaking. On the one hand, as much as I love my mother, I don't want to be her. She's a wonderful woman, but I have absolutely no desire to be Martha Stewart and raise kids. I want to work, to be a doctor, and I always have. But on the other hand, I honestly enjoy cooking, cleaning, and spending time with kids. However, the feminist in me rebels against those impulses because those are the exact things that women are expected to do. So I went through a rather long phase where I claimed that I would not have children or get married, or if I did, that my husband would stay home with the kids and be Mr. Mom and I would be the one to work all day and then come home to a clean house and a good meal. And to be honest, I still like that idea to some extent.
But I've come to realize over the last two weeks that, although I still plan on being a doctor and working, and although I still like the idea of my future husband staying home with the kids (I don't like the idea of a nanny or day-care), I think that maybe someday I'll be a mom and keep a nice home. I mean, I'll never be your stereotypical 50s housewife, and I don't want to, but I do think that maybe I can find some balance that will keep the feminist in me happy while the part of me that really enjoys being "mommy" can do that too.
So I don't know that there's really a question in this, or even a real point, but I just wanted to share with you guys. And I still miss you all. And I really will get on AIM to talk eventually.
Oh, btw, if you want a question, I've thought of one. How do you balance work and family? I mean, obviously, it's something you have to come up with as you go along to some extent, and I already have some ideas of my own, but how do you guys plan to handle it? Or do you even know? Okay, that's all. And you really don't have to answer the question. But if you want to, I always appreciate your wisdom.

Summer, Part 2

So I noticed at church on Sunday how empty the auditorium is when all the college students have left. When I was in high school (and 8th grade) I noticed that the auditorium seemed a little empty, of course, but never really. I didn't really care so much, because I had superficial relationships with the college students, at best. Everyone I cared about was around all year (vacations excepted, of course).
This Sunday was sad, though. Not that I didn't like the people who were still here. And I would have sat with Jenny Garrison on Mother's Day no matter what. But it was still sad that everyone was gone. And it's going to be like that all summer.
Which leads me to another point... How do those of you who go away for the summer feel about going home? Obviously, you have a new set of experiences to share with your friends and family, and a lot of catching up to do. But other than that, is it the same?
What exactly is home? How long does it take for home to change?
Okay, that's all. And it wasn't that profound. Mainly I wanted to tell everyone that I miss them desperately. And I know you don't like blogging about daily life, Laura, but make sure you let us know how you're doing, even if you don't tell us every single thing about your day.
I hope everyone has a wonderful week. I'll start thinking about a real post now, and hopefully I'll have something more profound to put up soon.
Oh, and btw, Michelle and Laura, I've started Alias. Stupid suspenseful endings! I'm going to kill you both. : )

Summer . . .

It dawned on me today that I don't know what half of y'all are doing this summer. So would you humor me and tell me what your plans are? I'm going to be working ACU Leadership Camps here, so if you're near Abilene you should come see me on the weekend. :) I hope finals go well for everyone, and that your summer is blessed.

Umm... My Bad, Y'all

First off, I want to apologize to all the non-Shalom people for this post. It's in-house business, but honestly, I figured that this would be the easiest way to talk to you guys about it...

Okay, so I said I would order Simply Christian a long time ago, and I still haven't. I'm sorry. But here's the deal: The cheapest I've found it online is like $13 plus shipping (which is usually around $5) and I just don't feel comfortable ordering $18 books without talking to everyone first. So at this point, if you want to get them before the summer, I either need to know like tomorrow that that's what we want to do, or we just need to get them however we want separately.

Okay, that's all. Let me know what you want to do. I'm happy with whatever. And I'm sorry that I've put this off until the last minute. I just honestly didn't realize how close to the end of school it is. But I'm still sorry and you can beat me for procrastinating if you want.

For Efficacy's Sake

I heard one of the most distinctly applicable Christian realizations shortly ago from a rather eccentric man. He said something to the effect of the following: "Christians are notorious for one thing in this society above all other. We use the worst deep grammar ever. That is to say that when someone says 'Lord, we know you are among us because we can feel your presence,' the first question to any atheist is, 'Ok, so can you actually explain what that "feels" like?' and we do not, quite frankly have an answer for it."

I do not mean to imply that we are mistaken in so many things that we say, but simply that it seems we are often careless when we fail to consider that those we mean to reach out to simply think us fools, not because the message of the cross is foolishness to them (though it often is as a sidepoint), but because we speak foolishly and carry on without thinking about what we actually say. I cringe at statements like "as surely as the Lord lives, etc." or something of the sort, simply because what follows is rarely so sure as that. I wonder at the audacity with which we address certain issues that we claim to believe so firmly on because it has been made clear in scripture what stance the Lord has on it, yet when confronted with societal opposition we cower behind "opinion" so as not to offend. Quite frankly, Paul makes it clear that the cross cannot help being offensive at times. Granted, the one thing that can be seen as an absolutely certainty concerning undeniable truths is that there will always be someone willing to deny them, but that does not keep us from speaking them where they are required.

It is a concern I think must be dealt with soon before it becomes too much an epidemic to even realize the existence of later on.

Soul Force

So I hate to cut the discussion of Barret short... (I know Doug will be especially crushed)
As everyone at ACU knows, Soul Force is coming to campus on Monday. And we have been engaging in some discussions concerning the upcoming event. All this discussion has me thinking about the balance between not judging and keeping one's standards. Obviously, this is a tough line to draw, and no one is going to have the perfect answer, but I think it's a topic worth discussion. How and when is it appropriate to confront people? When should we just keep our mouths shut? All of this is really important to think about, since most of us won't be spending the rest of our lives in the buckle of the Bible Belt.
In my opinion, I think confrontations should be done very carefully, and only in certain circumstances. I feel like confronting someone with whom you have a very intimate relationship (not in a sexual way) is very appropriate, but otherwise I think it's best to avoid passing judgement. Coming across as too harsh is, in my opinion, one of the best ways to drive people away from Christ.
On the other hand, I'm not going to ignore my values or go against them just because I'm with people who don't feel the same way about things. Just because everyone around me isn't acting the way I think they should doesn' t mean that I can't. If people ask why I don't do certain things (or do certain things), I'm more than happy to tell them. But that's a door that they need to open for themselves. Of course, if I'm close to somebody I will be more likely to express my opinion and tell them what they should do, but if you're just acquaintances I hardly think that's appropriate.
Anywho, comment. I want to know what you guys think, whether or not you agree with me. I obviously don't have all the answers, but now at least I'm asking the right questions.